Walking Away
by me122334
Summary: The moment he walked into the police station, it was like everything else disappeared. There was no past, no future, and the only present was the fact that Scott, who she had let herself let go of for days, was now there, standing in front of her, and everything seemed possible again. But days later, Juliet came to realize that she had to let him go. For Psychfic Secret Santa


"You know Jules, sometimes we tend to romanticize the past. I'm sure you know that."

"No. No, not with Scott."

It all came back to her in a rush as she continued on. Every little moment with him that she had forced herself to forget because of the ache it caused in her chest, was brought back in a way so lifelike that it was almost surreal. It was therapeutic in a way, to talk about all the good things, instead of focussing on her sadness. And Shawn was a surprisingly good listener. Ever since Juliet had found out the news, her mind had been consumed with disturbing images of Scott's car crash. She couldn't get the picture of his destroyed vehicle out of her head. Only now was she allowing all of the good memories to flood in. The whole thing ached of bittersweetness.

Every time a new memory popped into her head, Juliet described it to Shawn. It made her all the more happy to see that he was pleased to be her confidante. For a brief moment she wondered way she hadn't turn to him sooner, although Lassiter was sweet in his own attempt to comfort her. But here and now, the way that Juliet could just talk, and feel really, really heard, it was amazing.

First, she dove into Scott's sweetness, reminiscing about his dumbo figurines and other grand gestures he used to show his affection for her. She talked about how they first met, at a frat party that Juliet's roommate had dragged her to. She had felt completely out of her element, and had escaped outside to get some fresh air, where she found Scott sitting on the front stairs. They started talking, and found that they were both disinterested in the heavy partying going on inside. Instead, they created their own little world on those stairs. He was funny and cute and genuine, and Juliet could feel herself falling for him, only moments after meeting. It was like a fairy tale.

As she started to describe the superbowl game they had gone to, Juliet couldn't help but become elated at the memory. It had, hands down, been one of the best nights of her life. Scott had surprised her with the tickets, swooping her up at her dorm room unannounced, and whisking her off the the game without a word of explanation. He had wanted it to be a surprise, he said. In that moment, it had seemed like they were made for each other. A man who loved both football and surprises. What more could she want? After the game, on the way back to the car, Juliet had caught Scott staring at her, his face a bit slack, almost as if he was in awe of her.

"What?" She'd asked.

"I just-" he'd stuttered, "you're perfect. That's all."

Every detail of that night came back to her as she faced Shawn, and described the elation of going to that game. It occurred to her that for the first time in days, she felt happy, really happy. Her grief was still there but it didn't feel quite as crushing.

"Wow. Shawn, I actually feel better. Thank you."

"That makes me so happy."

Juliet could tell that he meant it.

-

"You're both entirely different people. The only way you're gonna know anything, is if you get to know each other again. Everything else is just pure speculation."

Those words had been ringing in Juliet's ears for days. It was a surprisingly wise observation, coming from Carlton, who's only advice regarding romantic endeavors were usually bitter and a bit concerning.

Seeing Scott had thrown Juliet for a loop. The moment he walked into the police station, it was like everything else disappeared. There was no past, no future, and the only present was the fact that Scott, who she had let herself let go of for days, was now there, standing in front of her, and everything seemed possible again. It was almost as if magnets were pulling them together, and before Juliet knew it, they were kissing. And again, everything around them disappeared. It was so familiar, but so strange at the same time.

Over the next few days, Juliet started to adjust to Scott's return. The past and the future, and everything else from the present came back. Juliet started to feel self conscious when Scott grabbed her hand around her coworkers, or when agent Waring commented crudely on their date. For a brief moment, Juliet had thought that Scott's return would be simple. She was so amazed, so relieved to have him back, that it had to be love. But nothing was simple. It was all messy and complicated.

-

Scott was staring at her as they walked into the train station from the parking lot. It wasn't uncomfortable per se. It was familiar. He stole glances of her a lot, Juliet had come to realize. She had never really noticed how frequent it was way back in college. It wasn't bad, but it almost felt like he was looking at a different person. A Juliet that he thought he knew: maybe a younger version of her, or maybe just someone he wanted her to be. But not quite her. Juliet remembered the football game. It hit her only then how long ago that had been. Seven whole years. She hadn't even realized how much one could change in seven years. Her entire relationship with Scott almost felt like it had happened to someone else. "You're perfect," he had said. At the time, Scott's approval had meant the world to Juliet. Those two words had put her on top of the world. Scott still looked at her like she was perfect, but Juliet wondered if she would still take the complement the same way that she had when she was eighteen. After all, no one is perfect, so if someone thinks that you are, do they really know you?

Suddenly, Juliet began to feel a bit guilty. It wasn't really Scott's fault that he seemed to think she was this perfect girl who had searched high and low to be with him. She hadn't exactly corrected him. If she wanted someone to see her in an honest light, maybe it was her job to start by being honest.

Juliet buried her face in her hands for a mere second, preparing herself for the openness she had been trying to muster for days.

"Oh, Scott, I have a confession to make. I didn't come looking for you last week. Shawn did, all on his own."

"I know."

"You do?!"

This one came as a surprise to Juliet. She had spent what felt like an eternity agonizing over how to tell Scott that she wasn't the perfect "I'll do anything for you" girl he thought she was, and he just brushed it off with a knowing smile.

"Well, I guess I was kinda hoping it was you."

"Well, I would have! If I thought you were really in trouble…"

There was a silence for just a second, giving Juliet just enough time to process what Scott had said. He was hoping. That was it wasn't it? He had been hoping that she was who he wanted her to be. In a way she had been holding out hope for something impossible too. For about seven years. But here they were, and seven years had changed them more than they had ever expected.

-

As Juliet watched Scott get on the train, and saw his silhouette drift farther and farther away, a strange feeling of contentment washed over her. Their goodbye actually felt like the first time since their reunion that they were really seeing each other. And now, after seeing him, and watching him see her, Juliet finally felt like she could walk away.


End file.
